OMG it feels like it's been forever since my last post!?! That's how long this week felt like. OMMMGGG. I actually passed Pharmacology. What the fuck!!!! I am still baffled and proud at the same time.

Future nurses of America: Do not take PHARM with MICROBIO and any other class for that matter. It is suicide. That is all.

Now I'm going to be a bum allllllll winter break because I think I deserve it. No more freaking out for now... Until next semester. Well I still need to retake the pharm math because I only made an 89 and I need a freaking 90. How fucking crazy. UGhhh... But I feel confident that I will pass the next one.. Right?

I am happy for once in the past six months or so. Hooray!!

D i s t r a c t e d . . .
Dec 08, 2007

Ok. I should be studying right now. I got through two exams and a final yesterday and scored relatively well. Now I have three finals next week and I must do good at those too.

So why the hell am I on the intrawebz looking at stupid shit?!? I just had to google pregnant fish because I've been suspecting one of our goldfishies was pregnant.. cuz it's huuuge.

Then I realize, it's not pregnant, it's sick. It has dropsy. What the fuck. It's sooo huge compared to the other fishes, and his scales are protruding.. it makes me sad...

I usually don't care about the goldfishez cuz they're not mine and I don't know. They're fish. I eat fish all the time. So why does this fish bother me..

What is it with human compassion? We just have to care about every little damn thing that touches our lives (and couldn't care less about everything else). Damn it. Damn you fish!! Now I'm soooo distracted because I am worried about it. I wonder if it's in pain, if it's fine, if it's gonna live or die. Its just a distraction I do not need right now.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I don't even know what the hell this entry is about!!?!?! Am I wrong for trying to ignore the potentially dying fish?? What am I supposed to do and how am I supposed to feel???

A l m o s t  t h e r e . . .
Nov 15, 2007

I so cannot wait til this semester is over.
This is the hardest semester for me.. so far.
I feel like I've been holding my breath this whole time.

But you know what?
This isn't even anything yet.
I'm in the eye of the storm right now..

After thanksgiving, I will be bombarded by all kinds of exams and shit.

And then the FINALS.

I am so scared.

No Pain, No Gain ? ?
Oct 15, 2007

Cliche much? But damn it why does it have to be true!??!?! Why can't life be easy breezy beautiful cover girl??? Why does it have to be so hard!!!

All I've been doing is studying for 6 hours a day, almost everyday!! Do you know how crazy that sounds?!!? ME. STUDYING. Usually when the subject of I and the predicate of STUDYING are used in the same sentence, it is usually negated, as in "I'm not studying" or "I don't study" or "I should be studying but I'm not". You get the picture.

No. I am literally busting my ass. I am putting all these information in my brain and I'm having trouble retaining it. Gahh!! Why can't I upgrade my brain to have a bigger memory and can run smoothly?!! Why can't I remember shit that I study?!?!?

Is being a nurse really my calling? Why can't I party and act crazy and be spontaneous like everyone else is?!? Why can't I relax and have no worries? My goodness. I'm so tightly wound up, it's not even funny. I keep having minor breakdowns because of the pressure I'm under. If there's one thing I learned in Pharmacology, it's that stress is bad. Yet they make me go through so much stress, learning all this shit. What the fuck! It's like they're mocking me. This is crazy!! Everyone is crazy!!! I'm going crazy!!?!?!?

Why can't I be like 95% of my generation's population, doing nothing with my life. Working a minimum wage type job or not working at all. Sitting on my ass or chasing  boys. Being totally unproductive. A malfunctioning citizen in this demanding society. Why do I have to sit in 3 hour lectures while they sleep in their beds, or sleep with someone, or not sleep at all? Seriously.

Why is it that when you try to do what's right, it always feels like you're missing out on life? Is being unjust and apathetic really worth it? I think you people call it "LIVING IN THE MOMENT"? Sit around not struggling, even when your parents are. Or even if your parents aren't. Shit. What the fuck is going on??

What is this travesty we call "Life"? This notion of "living" that society has entailed for this generation?? Everything is all topsy-turvy. Nobody gives a fuck. Because those who do give a fuck appear to be MISSING OUT. Fucking LOSERS. NERDS. No-Lifers. What do you cool kids call it?

Oh man. I don't even know what I'm blogging about. But you know what. Learning feels so EMPOWERING. You people should try it. College is awesome. Even though you have to teach yourself 99% of the time.

No Pain No Gain. Oh I'm paining alright.

I better gain dammit.