| R A N T S / RAMPAGE
OK. I am way overdue for a rant and seeing as how everyone-and-they-mama got facebook, I cannot rant and bitch like I usually could. Before I begin, I would like to take this time to sum up my life since I last blogged on xanga, post-graduating from hell aka nursing school and kick-starting my career as a Registered Nurse. - I've been working as a Dialysis Nurse and I have a love/hate relationship with it.
- My love life is still...non-existent, but the only difference now is I made this decision. I've had several offers from (surprisingly) potential mates, but I am retarded and have a fear of commitment at this point.
- I finally moved out of my family's house because:
- My car got STOLEN right in front of the house?!?
- I was sick of being a 24-yr-old child, still doing chores and getting yelled at by my mother and my bitch ass stepdad
- I was making a lot of money, only to blow it on clothes, makeup, food, stupid shit.
- I figured the only way to become a full-fledged adult is to be I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.
- I also bought a brand new car, all on my own =D
- All of this happened between 2010-2011... what a great year for Heather!
Being a nurse is hard. Being an entry-level, fresh-out-of-school graduate nurse is even harder. Since I took the easy way into the medical field by going for an ADN (Associates Degree in Nursing) instead of the 4-year BSN (Bachelors of Science in Nursing), hospitals were not giving me a second glance at all. My resume consisted of nothing but lame ass jobs (cashier, retail) and no medical experience to vouch for, so of course, naturally, I'd get SNUBBED. Those bitches! After all the sweat, tears, and blood I poured into school (I studied everyday, 8 hours a day), because teachers nowadays are incompetent and in this day and age, you just gotta do everything BY YOUR DAMN SELF. My vast (not really) knowledge that got me my nursing license was 98% self-taught, the rest I bullshitted. So yes, I'm proud, I will flaunt the RN initials that follow my first, last name til I DIE. Get used to it (assuming someone is going to read this shit), because all I'm gonna be bitching about from now on is about being on the job, the assholes (most) that I gotta deal with, and whatever else my dying brain can ever think of. Don't get me wrong, nursing is a very fulfilling career. I fucking love it. The thank yous, the smiles, the praises, presents, etc. that my patients shower me with touch me to my very core. I'm not conceited (yes I am) but I am DAMN GOOD at my job. I can only say that with certainty because everytime I clock in, my main focus is my patients. I drop all laziness, anxiety, and bitchiness at the door in order to perform optimally for my patients' benefits. Many healthcare providers forget that. To many, work is work, bread on the table, getting bills paid, blah blah blah, that's all there is to it. WRONG. To those who plan on working on the medical field, may it be paramedic, PA, PT, radiologist, what the fuck ever: IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THE PATIENTS. If you put yourself above them, I guarantee you, you will be unhappy for as long as you can stand to be in that career. Point blank. Time for me to rantpage. Lazy, inconsiderate fucks. I have co-workers who only think about getting their shit done on time so they can get the hell out of there. No consideration for the patients, how they feel, their needs, and even, their well-being. As long as the work chores are done, fuck it, right? It's very frustrating because I'm usually the one who has to run to the neglected patients to make sure they are okay and are attended to, because if not, CPR/crashcart/911 time. My unit has 28 patients. I am only one person. I can't possibly monitor everyone because that would be counter-productive. I have medications to pass, my own patients to tend to, and chores as well. In any given career, if every single person does what they're supposed to do, WORLD FUCKIN PEACE IS ATTAINABLE. Alas, we live in the real world. World peace is asking too much. On to the next one. Creeper patients. I am soooooo flattered, but pleeaasee stop sexually harassing me (verbally, phew). It makes me feel uncomfortable to the point that I start to act less productive simply because I feel awkward, and sometimes scared. I have a patient who at first, was very cool with me. I saw him as a cool grandpa type, you know, like them old folks who know slang and keep it real. Then he started giving me packs of gum. Ok cool, my breath stank? My bad. Then, candies, then chocolates, then one day he shows me his cellphone wallpaper and it's my fucking picture (which he found by looking me up on facebook. Of course I don't add patients..that's a HIPAA violation). Back to the beginning of my post, facebook sucks. Invasion of privacy, etc etc. I just use it to keep in touch with family, friends, and talk shit to my co-worker bff Robertico. But yea, back to the subject, total creeper. No longer cool grandpa...which makes me kinda sad. I never had a grandpa-type figure to look up to. Another patient is also always "complimenting" me, but not in a "you're a sweet person, kind-hearted..." you know, flowery, fluttery kind of compliments. At first it started that way, then it turned into calling me "babe" (which I always correct him that I am not!?), "sweetheart", "damn you losing weight, going from sexy to even sexier" type shit. BTW I don't think I'm sexy at all, nor do I look like a babe, so it baffles the mind. I am always nice and professional with these people, yet the boundaries tend to blur. Can it not be awkward?!?! I LOVE MY PATIENTS...but not like that (ew). Missing work. I cannot. Miss. Work. Or. I. Will. Get. WRITTEN UP. WTF. Am I not allowed to get sick throughout the year? I have to fuckin request a PAID TIME OFF if I have to miss work. How the hell am I supposed to anticipate when I'm about to catch the flu, rabies, senility, etc?? One time I broke my arm (actually I slept on it wrong, but I swear to God I couldn't move it upon waking up without excruciating pain) and I still had to go to work. I was aspirating medications into needles hopelessly with one hand, the vial resting (unstably) on the table. I looked really pathetic. Or the time I called my boss a day ahead, because I caught the flu from my sister. My voice was nearly gone, I couldn't breathe out of my nostrils, and I sounded worse than Macy Gray, and my boss still made me come in to work with the promise of a half-day only. SERIOUSLY. And if I actually decided to go on vacation? I have to request 6 months ahead or just forget about it. The fuck kinda shit is that?! Ugh. Cigarette smoking is bad for your health. Everybody knows that. Yet guess who picked up that horrible, frowned-upon habit? ME!!!! ME, oh-so-innocent, pure, kindhearted (though foul-mouthed) Heather..picked up smoking. Pathetic. I am a horrible human being. Being a healthcare professional, it's taboo for me to smoke, yet it seems that is the only way I can cope with my daily stresses at work. My impressionable friends don't help either since a lot of them smoke too... That's no excuse you say!? I used to say that too. My mom used to smoke and trust me, I got on her ass for that. But the roles have reversed! Joke's on me ha-ha-wheeeeezee. It really is an impulsion, a reflex per se now. Which is why now I understand why smokers can't quit! I can quit..... but I know for damn sure not while I'm working for the cheap ass, stingy company that I work for. (Sidenote: though I badmouth my employers/career a lot, I would like to say that I do love them and it is because of my love for them that I am putting myself through all this shit...just let me rant PLEASSEEEE). So yeah, I smoke, I drank, I'm supposed to stop but I can't (yes, bad excuse)..not until I get my MASTERS DEGREE (which is currently in the works!). Which brings me to my next rant.. BACK IN SCHOOL BEEEETCH!!! After killing my social life due to nursing school and jump-starting it (partying every weekend) when I started working, only to kill it once again...I am back in school! I have high goals man! I aim HIIIIGH! I can do anything!!!! And if I can't, I sure as hell will die trying! I have a new outlook on school now. I actually love learning. Because I teach everything to myself. So it's that more satisfying than just dishing out 200bucks for not learning a damn thing. I have to speed to class right after work, and sometimes I even study at work (when it's not busy). That's how dedicated I am, bruh. I've really surprised myself because reading my old blogs, I was such a lazy, useless scrub. Now I'm a lazy, awesome person who wears scrubs. Life is such a ball. Always surprising me every year!! Bills, bills bills. Wtf did I get myself into. Moving out?!?! Buying a new car?!??!?! I HAVE TO DO MY OWN GROCERIES?!??! WAIT, I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO COOK?!?!? Maaaaannn it was hard, but I've adapted to it. I love the freedom. I looooove my apartment. Soooo minimalist but oh so classy!!! My car is kyooooote. I learned how to cook and manage my finances. Last year I would've been fucking clueless. This is why I'm super confident nowadays. This independence shit has really gotten to my head. Oh well. Big screen TV, awesome lighting (I LOVE LAMPS), beautiful decor. These little things make me happy!! I'm so stressed outside but when I get to my space, I am overfilled with joy. Because these are the fruits of my labor. All the bullshit I had to go through. After all the struggle, I not only helped my mom pay the house/debts off, I managed to move out and start from a blank slate. I am still a naive new adult, but I am filled with wonder, excitement, and pride for being able to go this far. I really picked myself up from a sheltered, simple life, to a hectic-yet-worthy independence. I am not rich. I don't have a luxury car nor do I live in a mansion. But I do drive a nice, new car that will last me a long time, that I BOUGHT (2011 honda civic coupe for those who are wondering), and I live in a very nice one-bedroom apartment (brand new, very clean, safe, classy and elegant), and I did it all on my own. This is just the beginning, which is why I am so passionate, hyper, and even hostile all at the same time. Because even though I work my ass off/bitch a lot about it, I still know I am making my own progress. It does not seem a lot to most established/successful people, but to me, it's a personal satisfaction. I am building my own milestones, and I am looking forward to building more! LET THE CHAOS CONTINUE BECAUSE BITCHES, I AM READY! Very random, unorganized prose, I know. But I am pretty sure I will be the only one reading this. But in the future, when the future me reads this post, I will smile, laugh my ass off at my spasmodic narrative, just like how I'm laughing at how I used to be, after reading my older posts. All jokes aside, I do love my job, I do love and respect my coworkers (although they frustrate the fuck out of me sometimes), and clearly I love life. I am very thankful for all the blessings I've received and all the knowledge and experience that I am slowly gaining. Sure, I am a little burned out, but that is perfectly normal and expected. I do come off harshly, but whatever. That's stress that needs to be unleashed. And I did just that. Now I feel a lot better!!!! YEA! I LOVVVVEEE BLOGGING AND I HOPE I CAN CONTINUE DOING THIS AGAIN! |
